Forgiveness

One day I was struck by my fierce reaction to Teresa when she made a mistake. We were doing pictures together and she was writing the title at the top. I had printed it out for her on a piece of scrap paper. You must understand that this girl is usually very attentive to her handwriting! When I returned to see her progress she had made several mistakes (in bold blue pen) and simply scratched them out and started again – several times! I was openly upset with her (lately that is very uncharacteristic for the Lord has done great healing in me and I have left the photos mainly to Teresa to do without me). It ended up (of course) not being a big deal because we just covered it up with a cute sticker and went on.

I was greatly disturbed by it later though and asked the Lord about it – “What happened Lord? Where did that come from?” He said to me that I don’t truly believe that I am forgiven. “What does that have to do with this?” I asked. He said, “I love you even when you mess up – on purpose or on accident!” then he reminded me of Matthew 18:23-35:

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents (this is about $10,000 today). And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii (this is only about $15 today), and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

“I am the King and I have forgiven you your debt. You thank me, but you are still worried in your heart about doing everything just right. Then when your fellow servant (child) does something wrong, you become angry. You don’t believe you have been forgiven much, so you are not able to do so in return.”

WOW! He’s right! Forgive me Lord, for I have not trusted in Your goodness and Your love. I cannot purify my own heart (anymore than I could perform surgery on myself!); but as I come to Him, truly desiring for Him to transform me, He gives me all I need – physically and spiritually. I WANT intimacy with God. I am seeking a pure heart from Him – “For blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God!” Thank you Lord!

I am also being led into His Joy – more on that next time.